My First Doctoral Paper, My Favorite Hymn

I just finished writing my first paper of the semester…

And it’s November.

This semester, I’m only take 1 class which is worth about 6 hours.  The head hanchos of the program said with great wisdom and caution that I should just chill out and not over-do it.  It was “vitally important for me to get acclimated to the program.”  So after great deliberation, I decided to heed their advice. 

I’m really grateful I did because teaching this semester has been pretty intense.  Did you know you can’t fall asleep during lectures if you’re the one lecturing?? News flash.

Last semester was the exact opposite of only writing one paper in a semester.  I wrote between 160 and 180 pages of material in 16 weeks.  It kinda makes writing a dissertation not seem so ominous.  Welcome to being an Organizational COMMUNICATION major.  If somebody would have told me that communication degrees mean that you write until your mental and computer hard drives explode, I may have reconsidered.  But what’s done is done.  And nobody can take my degree away from me.

The part that most perplexed me about writing this 1500 word paper was how long it took. THREE DAYS!!! First of all, that would have been unacceptable last semester.  Two, if this paper were due last semester, I would have written it in a couple hours.  Maybe I was nervous and actually proofed it because I want/need to impress my professors or maybe my fingers had scholastic rheumatoid arthritis and writing was just completely unfeasible. 

I don’t know.

I have class this weekend and I’m pretty excited about it.  I don’t feel like it’s class, but more like a conference wnere you just share your opinions, listen to others’ ideas, and sit for a really really really long time. 

I also looked at my upcoming semester and it doesn’t seem like death.  I really think that getting my doctorate won’t be absolutely terrible.  It’ll be difficult, but not deadly.  Thank You, Jesus.

So those are my thoughts for the day.

OH ONE MORE THING!! Shout out to my Savior for bringing back my attendance records for my classes.  Something happened on MacKenzie, my laptop, and I wasn’t able to open my files that had my kiddos’ attendance and extra credit points documented.  It would have taken HOURS to recompense all that data and try to remember where each of my babies have been and why.  I went to go heat up my chili in the main communication office and it “just so happened” that the IT guy for the whole college of arts and letters was fixing a computer.  I demurely asked, “Do you by chance know about Macs?” He said ‘of course’ and I almost shouted and did the Baptist two-step.  How grateful I was for such a diving appointment. 

Jesus has been doing a lot of “just so happened’s” lately and they make me giggle all the time.  I feel like He really does love me a lot and is looking out for me.  I knew that already, but whenever he shows me (which is often) in obvious ways, I know know that and I fall more and more deeply in love with Him.

Let’s sing!

Oh! How I Love Jesus
By:  Frederick Whitfield, 1855

V. 1 
There is a Name I love to hear,

I love to sing its worth;

It sounds like music in my ear,

The sweetest Name on earth.

Refrain
O how I love Jesus,

O how I love Jesus,

O how I love Jesus,

Because He first loved me!

V. 2
It tells me of a Savior’s love,

Who died to set me free;

It tells me of His precious blood,

The sinner’s perfect plea.

V. 3
It tells me of a Father’s smile

Beaming upon His child;

It cheers me through this little while,

Through desert, waste, and wild.

V. 4
It tells me what my Father hath

In store for every day,

And though I tread a darksome path,

Yields sunshine all the way.

V. 5
It tells of One whose loving heart

Can feel my deepest woe;

Who in each sorrow bears

A part that none can bear below.

V. 6
It bids my trembling heart rejoice.

It dries each rising tear.

It tells me, in a “still small voice,”

To trust and never fear.

V. 7
Jesus, the Name I love so well,

The Name I love to hear:

No saint on earth its worth can tell,

No heart conceive how dear.

V. 8
This Name shall shed its fragrance still

Along this thorny road,

Shall sweetly smooth the rugged hill

That leads me up to God.

V. 9
And there with all the blood-bought throng,

From sin and sorrow free,

I’ll sing the new eternal song

Of Jesus’ love for me.

JLP

P.S. I had no idea there were this many verses to this hymn.  I copied them all cuz they’re all great!

Have a blessed one, everybody!

My 1/2 Birthday...the Cat's out the Bag

Today is a very special day in the life of Jenaya.  Very very special day.  Today is my ½ birthday!!!

(Insert streamers and noise-makers)

I had a great time today enjoying myself’s company.  I got to sleep in and lay in bed for as long as I wanted which was about 12 noon.  I don’t know what happened, but I woke up at 7:30 am, rolled over and blinked, and it was 10:30, rolled over and blinked again, and it was 11:45. Shame on the crazy time of the post-millenial era.

I was super hungry when awaking from my long slumber and ate vegan rabbit food.  I made some vegan taco meat stuff out of soy tempeh either yesterday or the day before that.  I opened a can of navy beans (my FAVORITE), drained the juice and squashed about ½ of them so it would make a more attractive looking refried bean concoction.  Then I got out some Zatarain’s Red Beans and Rice.  I pulled out my Rubbermaid plastic china, carefully placed my 3 mini-entrees into my bowl in even thirds and reheated my masterpiece.  With my blue-corn tortilla chips, I ate my way to delight with dollops of vegan sour cream, which tastes amazingly similar to regular sour cream—it is denser though.

I followed that with some coconut milk ice cream—Mint Chip—mm mm good!

At about 2pm, I thought it would be a good idea to get dressed.  I couldn’t figure out what to wear for my special day.  Then I said:

AHA!!! MY MURRAY STATE PANTS!!!!!!

What geniusness.

I got to FINALLY walk around WKU with my alma mater pants and had an excuse.  Not an excuse.  A reason.  Today’s my ½ birthday and I can wear what I want to wear.  I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anyone to look at my butt/back of my leg until today.  I wish I could have taken a picture of it for you, but that would be highly inappropriate and my future husband (wherever he may be) wouldn’t like the back of my leg on my blog.  It says “RACERS” in big block letters down the back of my leg. So just in case you didn’t know to what rhythm my heart beats, you can just walk away and you’ll say, “No more questions, your Honor.”

After Bible study, the Bible study leader ever so graciously took me to Kroger where I got to buy my “I love me” gift.  My rule on my birthday celebration days (which are the 3^rd of EVERY month) is I can buy myself anything within reason.  And on my ½ birthday, “within reason” can be a little more pricey.  Today I spent $12.  I got a box of organic cookies, some peas, tofu, and a vegan pot pie.  I ate the cookies on the bus ride home and the pot pie in front of my window.

A good day.

A great day.

After I tell people about my birthday celebrations, they never cease to raise their eyebrow completely perplexed and ask why oh why I do this.  After their nervous giggling, I tell them because I am just that awesome, I deserve lots of celebrations.  That is part of the reason.  You will never and I mean NEVER allow someone to love, feel someone’s love, appreciate someone’s love, know when someone is extending you TRUE love until you allow yourself to love yourself, feel your own love towards yourself, appreciate yourself, truly love yourself in healthy ways.  People are in abusive, unhealthy, premature relationships (speaking of “romantic” relationships) now because they don’t know what true love is and how much they are worth. 

That’s reasons #2-5 of why I celebrate my birthday so often.

I decided that whilst waiting of my precious love of my life to rescue me from my singleness, that I would learn what Jenaya likes and how to love myself.  At first when starting this practice a little over 10 years ago, I felt so guilty spending money and time on myself just for the sake of celebrating what God is accomplishing in me.  But the more I focused on celebrating, the higher my self-efficacy and positivity became.  Now, I don’t falter when I get attention from boys/youngsters/man-wanna-be’s because I’m not love-starved.  My Savior gave me the idea and I’m so grateful He did.

Reasons #6-459 of why I do this is because for 6 years, I was addicted to pornography.  I found out about it at 9 and was entrapped by it until I was 15.  It took 18 months of hell to recover from it and I can now say it has be 6 years since I’ve been truly free.  May God be praised!  What a terrible and dark and depressing and lonely and traumatizing place to be—to try to find love and acceptance in pictures that give back a standard you’ll never meet and an image that is not of God and His love.

So the real reason why I celebrate my birthdays?  When I was trying to get free from pornography, I set goals for myself.  If I could make it 1 day without looking at porn, I would celebrate.  Soon, I could make it a whole week.  Then 2 weeks.  Then I could do a month.  I had to extrinsically motivate myself to get rid of the filth rolling around in my head and the stimuli with which I would entice myself.  If I stayed porn-free for a month, I would spend the whole day thanking God for the HUGE victory and would enjoy a guilty pleasure. 

Now two things for my reading audience.

1.     I HIGHLY recommend strategically setting frequent days to enjoy yourself and figure out who you are.  I celebrate my birthdays, but it could be any day that means something special for you.  Are you broke?  No reason to not celebrate.  I’m broke on most of my birthdays too.  On those days, I wear my favorite pair of socks, play my favorite song several times, enjoy a movie I haven’t seen in a while, have a home-work free evening.  Whatever you choose, plan for it a couple days in advance so you anticipate your special day.

2.  If you are one that has a sexual addiction or are trapped in a sexual identity crisis and want out, I’d love to share with you my story and to hear yours.  I am at a place now in my life where I want to share what God has done in my life and want to show others that FREEDOM IS POSSIBLE!! I can’t tell you how many times I would read in books about how girls are never addicted to porn or that it’s normal/acceptable to indulge in sexual exploits “as long as you’re not having sex” or that you need to have occasional “sexual release.”  This is not the life God envisioned for His children and when you see what He desires, you will run towards the light and do whatever it takes to embrace His will for your life.  After all, what better sex life can have than the one the Creator of sex created, right??!

Anyway.  I hope this has encouraged someone somewhere out in cyberspace.  I wasn’t planning on talking about sexual addiction on my blog for my 1/2 birthday, but I gotta be obedient to what Jesus says cuz I love Him desperately and want to be a reflection for His glory.

Be blessed everybody!

JLP

November 3, 2011