I have a confession. I must tell you something about my past. This is very serious and it affects a large part of my life. Here goes. I get scared in horror films. You may be wondering what this has to do with camp life, but there’s a thin line of logic that we must transgress in order for you to understand another part of my selfness. It all started when I was 9 and watched my first horror film.
Jumanji
Stop laughing.
I tell people this story all the time and people look at me with their sympathetic or “you’re a punk” glances, but this is a terrible circumstance. I decided to watch a PG13 movie when I was 9—my first one and I wanted to make it a good one. Something just perfect. We had somehow rented Jumanji and after looking at the rating, I just knew I was woman enough at 9 years to watch this movie. I turned it on and whilst almost peeing on myself at different parts of the movie, I finished it and had a heart attack during the credits. I haven’t seen the movie since because I’m still scared of it, but I do remember the scariest part was when a plant grew in the living room and started coiling around a screaming person and dragging them to their doom. It was just not ok.
That began my fear of hyper-plant-growth. I just can’t handle it and I must add that to my list of fears right after worms. When I was 13 or 14, I went into our garage and it always made me feel cooler than what I was to run out there with no light and race the closing of the door to find what I was looking for and run back out. I got pretty good at it by 15 and a ½. One day, I did the exact same thing I always did. Ran out, looking for potatoes in a closed bin, and race to get back inside before the door slammed. This time, I couldn’t find the potatoes. I searched and searched, but to no avail. I just knew there were potatoes in this bin, but they apparently were replaced by this big, great, leafy…..AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! THE POTATO IS NOW A TREE!! I rushed to turn on the light and there it was. A tree coming out of the potato that was about 3 feet tall and surrounded by other fellow potato and onion trees. UGH!! I still quiver as I even type this narrative. I was scared for days.
Here’s stop 3 of this “thin line of logic.” I got to the lake on the camp property and was leaning over to find some fishies and look at the algae and lilipads when I was something that looked JUST like Jumanji and potato growth all put together! Lake growth. A terrible idea. I had nightmares of swimming in the lake and this still wrapping its slimy and leafy limbs around my innocent, slightly hairy legs. Just the thought makes me whimper. I did learn a cool fact. Lake growth happens at about 15 feet; I’m be floating in the shallow end of diving in the deep for lake growth is not something I care to experience.
Alas. I must add this to my list of epic blood-curling grief-strikening scary stuff. Number 1: Worms. Number 2: Hyper plant growth. Subpoint 2A: Potato Growth. Subpoint 2B: Lake Growth.
The End.
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