My First Doctoral Paper, My Favorite Hymn

I just finished writing my first paper of the semester…

And it’s November.

This semester, I’m only take 1 class which is worth about 6 hours.  The head hanchos of the program said with great wisdom and caution that I should just chill out and not over-do it.  It was “vitally important for me to get acclimated to the program.”  So after great deliberation, I decided to heed their advice. 

I’m really grateful I did because teaching this semester has been pretty intense.  Did you know you can’t fall asleep during lectures if you’re the one lecturing?? News flash.

Last semester was the exact opposite of only writing one paper in a semester.  I wrote between 160 and 180 pages of material in 16 weeks.  It kinda makes writing a dissertation not seem so ominous.  Welcome to being an Organizational COMMUNICATION major.  If somebody would have told me that communication degrees mean that you write until your mental and computer hard drives explode, I may have reconsidered.  But what’s done is done.  And nobody can take my degree away from me.

The part that most perplexed me about writing this 1500 word paper was how long it took. THREE DAYS!!! First of all, that would have been unacceptable last semester.  Two, if this paper were due last semester, I would have written it in a couple hours.  Maybe I was nervous and actually proofed it because I want/need to impress my professors or maybe my fingers had scholastic rheumatoid arthritis and writing was just completely unfeasible. 

I don’t know.

I have class this weekend and I’m pretty excited about it.  I don’t feel like it’s class, but more like a conference wnere you just share your opinions, listen to others’ ideas, and sit for a really really really long time. 

I also looked at my upcoming semester and it doesn’t seem like death.  I really think that getting my doctorate won’t be absolutely terrible.  It’ll be difficult, but not deadly.  Thank You, Jesus.

So those are my thoughts for the day.

OH ONE MORE THING!! Shout out to my Savior for bringing back my attendance records for my classes.  Something happened on MacKenzie, my laptop, and I wasn’t able to open my files that had my kiddos’ attendance and extra credit points documented.  It would have taken HOURS to recompense all that data and try to remember where each of my babies have been and why.  I went to go heat up my chili in the main communication office and it “just so happened” that the IT guy for the whole college of arts and letters was fixing a computer.  I demurely asked, “Do you by chance know about Macs?” He said ‘of course’ and I almost shouted and did the Baptist two-step.  How grateful I was for such a diving appointment. 

Jesus has been doing a lot of “just so happened’s” lately and they make me giggle all the time.  I feel like He really does love me a lot and is looking out for me.  I knew that already, but whenever he shows me (which is often) in obvious ways, I know know that and I fall more and more deeply in love with Him.

Let’s sing!

Oh! How I Love Jesus
By:  Frederick Whitfield, 1855

V. 1 
There is a Name I love to hear,

I love to sing its worth;

It sounds like music in my ear,

The sweetest Name on earth.

Refrain
O how I love Jesus,

O how I love Jesus,

O how I love Jesus,

Because He first loved me!

V. 2
It tells me of a Savior’s love,

Who died to set me free;

It tells me of His precious blood,

The sinner’s perfect plea.

V. 3
It tells me of a Father’s smile

Beaming upon His child;

It cheers me through this little while,

Through desert, waste, and wild.

V. 4
It tells me what my Father hath

In store for every day,

And though I tread a darksome path,

Yields sunshine all the way.

V. 5
It tells of One whose loving heart

Can feel my deepest woe;

Who in each sorrow bears

A part that none can bear below.

V. 6
It bids my trembling heart rejoice.

It dries each rising tear.

It tells me, in a “still small voice,”

To trust and never fear.

V. 7
Jesus, the Name I love so well,

The Name I love to hear:

No saint on earth its worth can tell,

No heart conceive how dear.

V. 8
This Name shall shed its fragrance still

Along this thorny road,

Shall sweetly smooth the rugged hill

That leads me up to God.

V. 9
And there with all the blood-bought throng,

From sin and sorrow free,

I’ll sing the new eternal song

Of Jesus’ love for me.

JLP

P.S. I had no idea there were this many verses to this hymn.  I copied them all cuz they’re all great!

Have a blessed one, everybody!

My 1/2 Birthday...the Cat's out the Bag

Today is a very special day in the life of Jenaya.  Very very special day.  Today is my ½ birthday!!!

(Insert streamers and noise-makers)

I had a great time today enjoying myself’s company.  I got to sleep in and lay in bed for as long as I wanted which was about 12 noon.  I don’t know what happened, but I woke up at 7:30 am, rolled over and blinked, and it was 10:30, rolled over and blinked again, and it was 11:45. Shame on the crazy time of the post-millenial era.

I was super hungry when awaking from my long slumber and ate vegan rabbit food.  I made some vegan taco meat stuff out of soy tempeh either yesterday or the day before that.  I opened a can of navy beans (my FAVORITE), drained the juice and squashed about ½ of them so it would make a more attractive looking refried bean concoction.  Then I got out some Zatarain’s Red Beans and Rice.  I pulled out my Rubbermaid plastic china, carefully placed my 3 mini-entrees into my bowl in even thirds and reheated my masterpiece.  With my blue-corn tortilla chips, I ate my way to delight with dollops of vegan sour cream, which tastes amazingly similar to regular sour cream—it is denser though.

I followed that with some coconut milk ice cream—Mint Chip—mm mm good!

At about 2pm, I thought it would be a good idea to get dressed.  I couldn’t figure out what to wear for my special day.  Then I said:

AHA!!! MY MURRAY STATE PANTS!!!!!!

What geniusness.

I got to FINALLY walk around WKU with my alma mater pants and had an excuse.  Not an excuse.  A reason.  Today’s my ½ birthday and I can wear what I want to wear.  I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anyone to look at my butt/back of my leg until today.  I wish I could have taken a picture of it for you, but that would be highly inappropriate and my future husband (wherever he may be) wouldn’t like the back of my leg on my blog.  It says “RACERS” in big block letters down the back of my leg. So just in case you didn’t know to what rhythm my heart beats, you can just walk away and you’ll say, “No more questions, your Honor.”

After Bible study, the Bible study leader ever so graciously took me to Kroger where I got to buy my “I love me” gift.  My rule on my birthday celebration days (which are the 3^rd of EVERY month) is I can buy myself anything within reason.  And on my ½ birthday, “within reason” can be a little more pricey.  Today I spent $12.  I got a box of organic cookies, some peas, tofu, and a vegan pot pie.  I ate the cookies on the bus ride home and the pot pie in front of my window.

A good day.

A great day.

After I tell people about my birthday celebrations, they never cease to raise their eyebrow completely perplexed and ask why oh why I do this.  After their nervous giggling, I tell them because I am just that awesome, I deserve lots of celebrations.  That is part of the reason.  You will never and I mean NEVER allow someone to love, feel someone’s love, appreciate someone’s love, know when someone is extending you TRUE love until you allow yourself to love yourself, feel your own love towards yourself, appreciate yourself, truly love yourself in healthy ways.  People are in abusive, unhealthy, premature relationships (speaking of “romantic” relationships) now because they don’t know what true love is and how much they are worth. 

That’s reasons #2-5 of why I celebrate my birthday so often.

I decided that whilst waiting of my precious love of my life to rescue me from my singleness, that I would learn what Jenaya likes and how to love myself.  At first when starting this practice a little over 10 years ago, I felt so guilty spending money and time on myself just for the sake of celebrating what God is accomplishing in me.  But the more I focused on celebrating, the higher my self-efficacy and positivity became.  Now, I don’t falter when I get attention from boys/youngsters/man-wanna-be’s because I’m not love-starved.  My Savior gave me the idea and I’m so grateful He did.

Reasons #6-459 of why I do this is because for 6 years, I was addicted to pornography.  I found out about it at 9 and was entrapped by it until I was 15.  It took 18 months of hell to recover from it and I can now say it has be 6 years since I’ve been truly free.  May God be praised!  What a terrible and dark and depressing and lonely and traumatizing place to be—to try to find love and acceptance in pictures that give back a standard you’ll never meet and an image that is not of God and His love.

So the real reason why I celebrate my birthdays?  When I was trying to get free from pornography, I set goals for myself.  If I could make it 1 day without looking at porn, I would celebrate.  Soon, I could make it a whole week.  Then 2 weeks.  Then I could do a month.  I had to extrinsically motivate myself to get rid of the filth rolling around in my head and the stimuli with which I would entice myself.  If I stayed porn-free for a month, I would spend the whole day thanking God for the HUGE victory and would enjoy a guilty pleasure. 

Now two things for my reading audience.

1.     I HIGHLY recommend strategically setting frequent days to enjoy yourself and figure out who you are.  I celebrate my birthdays, but it could be any day that means something special for you.  Are you broke?  No reason to not celebrate.  I’m broke on most of my birthdays too.  On those days, I wear my favorite pair of socks, play my favorite song several times, enjoy a movie I haven’t seen in a while, have a home-work free evening.  Whatever you choose, plan for it a couple days in advance so you anticipate your special day.

2.  If you are one that has a sexual addiction or are trapped in a sexual identity crisis and want out, I’d love to share with you my story and to hear yours.  I am at a place now in my life where I want to share what God has done in my life and want to show others that FREEDOM IS POSSIBLE!! I can’t tell you how many times I would read in books about how girls are never addicted to porn or that it’s normal/acceptable to indulge in sexual exploits “as long as you’re not having sex” or that you need to have occasional “sexual release.”  This is not the life God envisioned for His children and when you see what He desires, you will run towards the light and do whatever it takes to embrace His will for your life.  After all, what better sex life can have than the one the Creator of sex created, right??!

Anyway.  I hope this has encouraged someone somewhere out in cyberspace.  I wasn’t planning on talking about sexual addiction on my blog for my 1/2 birthday, but I gotta be obedient to what Jesus says cuz I love Him desperately and want to be a reflection for His glory.

Be blessed everybody!

JLP

November 3, 2011

Godsend in a Bottle

I think I’m going to start adding pictures to my blog.  Pictures are worth a 1000 words and some things you just have to see to believe.  Also, I’ve heard that Facebook is going to be overtaken by a secret group of hackers on November 5.  If that happens, I don’t know what I’ll do after I cry all my tears into my pillow.  I also feel like within the next 2-3 years, I’ll be phasing out of Facebook.  There’s really no point to it except to be nosey, but it depends on the friendships I develop and the ones I want to keep.  We’ll see.

I also love telling my stories that require more characters than a FB status will allow.   It’s a great outlet for winding down at night.  But it does take more time and makes my joints hurt from all this typing. 

Plusses and minuses.

One of my favorite things in America is Tropicana’s Simply Orange Juice.  It is a religious and expensive experience that is worth more than it’s $2.50 a bottle.  Swallowing the elixir is a savory moment in time when all background noises and conversations fade to the distance and you listen to the swish in your mouth of the South American orange juices flow past your uvula and down your esophagus. 

Aaaahhhh….bliss.

Well today, I went jogging for 24 minutes (I’ll speak on this in a later entry whenever I remember to) which ended up being 2 miles.  I drank a Naked Juice for breakfast and ran off to go teach.  It was 3pm before I got to eat breakfast.  As soon as I was done teaching and answering my kiddos’ questions, I raced over to the cafeteria and bought a slice of pizza, mixed vegetables, rice, and a cinnamon roll.  I shook some salt on the veggies and rice and scarfed it all done without even tasting it.  What a waste of $11 if you can’t even remember it.  Sad moment.

The best part of the lunch was the juice (refer to photo).  I had NO idea that Tropicana made grape juice and was just geeked to try it.  If it was anything in caliber and quality to their orange juice, I just KNEW my tastebuds would be in for a treat.

And it was all that I could imagine and more.  It was like Communion in a 12 ounce bottle.  I hadn’t had a glass of grape juice in YEARS and will definitely have to make this occasion happen more often. 

Blessings to everyone!

JLP

October and March

I’ve hit a slump in momentum.  I was totally “beasting” life.  Until last week.  I felt like a yacht in the middle of the ocean with a perfect wind opening its sail and gliding through the glassy water.  Until last week.  I felt like my fingers do when I twist my hair—so fluid and so calming and quick.  Until last week.

About 9 days ago or around last last Friday, all of my papers were graded, posted onto the online student connection site called Blackboard, lectures were prepared, schedule was perfectly followed and aligned.  It was beautiful.  Monday morning (7 days ago) hit and I had no absolutely NO, like none kind of desire to teach.  I wanted to sleep until at least 2:35pm and then watch movies all day til I would fall to a slumberful bliss at about 8:30pm.  Oh so extra terrible.  ESPECIALLY when you’re the teacher—trying to be excited and have an abundance of excitement to pass on to students.  AND of top of that, it was speech week which ALWAYS makes me sleepy. 

I did survive my extra special Monday and then hit an even specialer Tuesday.  Tuesdays and Thursdays are my rest days so I was able to rest. Wednesday hit and it was worse than Monday.  Thursday was blah.  And Friday was worse than Wednesday which was worse than Monday. 

Fail.

This last weekend (1-2 days ago), I had a conversation with Jesus and was trying to figure out “What in the world is going on?!?!!” and He calmly said—“Did you know it was October?”

I gave Him my exasperated look—“What does that mean??” I thought about it.

October.

Oc-tober.

Oct-oo-berrr.

OCTOBER!!!

OCTOBER AND MARCH!! These are my slump months!

Ever since I’ve been a freshman in college, I always hit a rut faithfully in October and March.  Never fails.  I’d start school brilliantly.  Slump.  Recover in November (prayerfully).  End school brilliantly.  Even when I’d try to overcompensate, overthink, overplan and try to avoid my slump, I would always hit it and it would always knock me academically unconscious.  I don’t know what it is, but it always wins.  I thought that since I had recently graduated that it would no longer be thusly, but alas, ‘tis.

I am grateful to say that I have bounced back.  I got my rhythm, my groove, my excitement, my vigor back.  Thank you, Jesus!

My slump this time left me with a pile of 65 speeches to record, absences to note, and a ton of bologna that was quite depressing.  I spent around 6.5 hours getting my life together after my out-of-body experience.  Some habits are easily breakable and easy to overcome, but this will take time.  I’ll try again in February and see if I can avoid my slump.  But for now, I can now say to the calendar and Fall semester: 

“BRING IT ON!”

THE Very Anticipated Baby Milestone

My very anticipated 1-monthaversary for living in my first apartment is approaching.  I’m pretty excited.  I wanted to note some of my loves and hates.

1.  Love:  Being off campus!

2.  Hate: It being my fault if I stay inside all day.  Since my kitchen is here, I don’t ever need to leave besides working and going to class on the weekends.  On my days off (like this one) the only fresh air I’ve gotten since yesterday has been through my window.  I can blame only myself for that.  That's one of my goals for this year is to accept it when I'm wrong, not to excuse my error onto something/one else, and be immediate when I don't deserve the credit (giving credit where it's due).

3.   Love:  My door.  I can close it and open it when I want.  This goes for my window.  It’s easily accessible by me at all times. I like my door.

4.  Hate:  Stairs.  There’s not many, but there’s more than 3.  I am grateful for being up high though.

5.  Love:  TRAIN!!! It passes by my window at least a million times a day and I still enjoy it.

6.  Hate:  Duplicates.  I’ve found 3 nail clippers and have enough detergent to last me at least a year given that I do one load a week.  I realized this year that I like to see and to have in stock exactly what I need.  Having bulk or duplicates stresses me out because I feel the need to use it immediately even when that option is not feasible, wise, or of being a good steward.  Thank you, Jesus, for the overflow.

7.  Love:  Large closet and dresser.  I went to go visit another apartment and it had neither of these.  I am grateful for the clothes that are carefully tucked away in them and for a place to store what God has blessed me with.

Although this is an odd number, one should always end with love.

Peace and blessings,

JLP

E.g. Life and curbs.

Some things should not be taken so quickly:  E.g. Life and curbs.

I have a new friend.  Her name is Edith, my bike.  She is a Trek 7.2 FX WSD for anybody who cares about numbers.  I normally don’t but since she’s new, I do remember them.  I also remember the check I wrote for her—ouch..

I’m an extra extreme new baby amateur rider.  I can ride to work and back which is one mile in one direction.  I can ride further, but it’s so hilly here that I tire very quickly.  I love love LOVE my bike.  And it doesn’t hurt that her name is shared with my favorite and most dear relative—my great-grandmother Edith Toussaint who is “101-plus” as she quips.  The names weren’t meant to match, but they do and I’m cool with that.

I just finished posting the next few weeks’ assignments for my students on an online database called Blackboard.  I have spent ALL day working.  I got to my office at 1030, made copies and caught a couple students up in homework assignments, taught at 1130, 1240, and 150, finished teaching at 240, posted assignments online until 945, and rode home.  It’s now 1017 and I’m eating cereal because even heating something up in the microwave is too much work.  Oh yeah.  I went potty at about 5pm.

But I had to tell you what happened on my ride home.  I got geared up to ride Edith and started riding.  It’s wonderful riding home because it’s all downhill and I can get up to 18 mph with no difficult whatsoever.  At the stoplight, I normally pop my front wheel and pedal to get up the curb, but today, I was going a bit too fast.  About 8 miles an hour too fast and didn’t break hard enough or proactively enough.  I made it up exactly 40% of the curb.  Before I knew it, my head leads my body toward the grass and over my handlebars. THUD! I blinked and quickly assessed the situation and thanked my Savior that it happened at night with no casual observers.

The front of my bike was turned almost 360-degrees and the chain was derailed.  I gingerly reattached the chain, checked the gears, picked up the pieces of my bike’s front light and put them in my back, and rode a bit more carefully home.

As I was thinking and meditating on my way home, I thought about how this situation so closely resembles life—mine in particular.  Sometimes we/I can plow right ahead and speed past roadblocks, traffic, stalled cars, and tough situations and assume that I am invincible until I have to switch gears and paths.  I have popped many a curbs in my bike riding days and this one has been successfully popped on many occasions.  What made the difference between the successful pops and the unsuccessful ones?  My speed and attentiveness.  I knew my path and knew the limitation of my bike and what I needed to do.  Also, I mustn’t just assume that because I’ve done something a million times that the “million-and-oneth (pronounced wonth)” time will be the same or be done carelessly.

Life is one amazing substance in our existence.  Just because we breathe doesn’t mean we have life.  It’s fascinating and can only be used/abused/dedicated/other verbs once.

Note to Self:  Watch out for life’s curbs.  

38 Minutes and Counting...

September 2, 2011

So I’m sitting in the Mass Media & Technology Hall at the moment aaaaannddd I can’t go in. I just can’t. In where? Into Gary A. Ransdell Hall. My home for the next 3 years. It’s across the street.

Today is the day I’ve been waiting for for years now. I will be starting my doctorate degree in approximately 38 minutes. I wanted to chronicle this moment because it’s kinda a big deal. I’ll be 24 and 1/3 (24 and 4 months) tomorrow and about to begin my last, final, ultimate, and TERMINAL degree. It shall outlive me…or so I’ve heard.

Am I nervous? Surprisingly no. I’ve had many a first days. First day of all the years of K-12—even preschool had a first day. And I like to celebrate all of my many “firsts.” I think they’re special. So today, my firsts are as followed:

1. First finished week of teaching as an adjunct professor/instructor.

2. First time I’ve ridden my bike to a night class.

3. First time I’ll really have to be an adult in class and not a young adult.

4. Last, but not least—First day of my Ed.D. in Educational Leadership, Organizational Leader strand (emphasis) at Western Kentucky University, Doctoral Orientation.

All the hoopla for just a really long class this weekend. Friday from 5-9 and Saturday from 8-5.

I was talking to Jesus in my apartment before I rode my bike over here. I usually do that before something new in my life—and also whenever I do mundane things too—and basically all things I do in life. He gave me a verse for this new adventure, my doctorate that is. It is:

Philippians 1:9, “I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding.”

Here, Paul was talking to the church of Philippi and sharing with them how he walk praying for them as the continued to press on in the Christian faith. So if you, my reader, is a believer in the saving power of Jesus and call it your own, and rely on it in your daily life for forgiveness and sustenance, Paul was also praying over you.

So oftentimes, really, really smart people become loveless because they forget about people for they always have their nose in books. I have that propensity sometimes, but no more. There’s another verse I’ve been meditating on lately that I’ll probably share later. Anyway, Paul encourages us to continue learning. In my case, He’s given me the task and the opportunity to learn in an academic forum. Others learn in real life. Wherever you are, he pleads with believers to keep learning. But also, we are encouraged to continue to love and to be overwhelmed with love—the supernatural love that God gives us in order to spread to others; human love is finite.

I hope and pray that I love and that I learn. I also pray that burnout doesn’t set in until I’m at least 2 ¾ way done. I also hope that I still have Cool Points left in m y Cool-Points-O-Meter. I also pray I won’t spend too much time daydreaming that I’m on a deserted island with my Chocolate Blessing during class whilst being in my Extra Single State.

Abba Father,

Give me an extra portion of Your Spirit so I may be a perfect example of a fallen person perfected by Your grace. Help me to love You more and love others the way You love them. Aaanndd…

Thanks for everything.

Your Daughter,

Jenaya